Psalm 119:30 I have chosen the way of truth: thy judgments have I laid before me.
When did I choose the way of truth? Well not for some time sadly. Satan knowing that God had touched my life, because it happened in his realm, was doing everything he could to dispel the lie I was told by Cape Neddick Baptists. They told me I was saved, when I was not.
Living under a lie is Satan’s realm, even if it is a good intentioned lie. I wanted to believe I was saved but everything I was said, no you are not. Conflict and confusion would hound me for decades. I will not go into details but there was ample evidence to support Satan’s truth about my salvation. I was not in the Kingdom of God.
Vietnam was survived only because of God’s merciful removal of my anger issues. Circumstances once again built up a history of guilt in which I could no longer deny my involvement. I was now guilty.
After Vietnam I became a drug addict. God once again intervened to save my life from overdoses and other fatal mistakes. How isn’t as important as being able to see His involvement from this side. We don’t always recognize God’s merciful hand until later in life.
So considering Satan has now convinced me I am in his camp, how did God call me into His Kingdom? It all happened according to his salvation plan. First He removed the dependency on drugs. His sovereign will once again made a choice for me I was not willing to make for myself. I didn’t not want to quit so He took the desire away. Now I was prepped to feel the pangs of regret I would not have received if still on drugs.
My father died and all the repressed pain of everything I did showed me why I kept away from dad. I was ashamed of what I had turned into and did not want him to see me that way. That reality drove me a little crazy and it was noticed.
Then in my heart I repented of the life I had led.