John 14:27 Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

As I began attending church for the sake of the girl, it became apparent to me that she was not interested in me romantically. She had a boyfriend in the group and it was clear he wasn’t right for her. I was right about that but when she loosened herself from his grip, she took up with a young man who would eventually become her husband.

As I focused on the girl I sat and heard the Word of God preached. Now mind you I wasn’t paying attention to the Word as much as I should have at the time. The Word however got in, was heard and does what the Word was meant to do, make contact.

One Sunday as I pondered my fate in the light of my brother’s history and was earnestly concerned about my own lack of control of my anger, I confessed my heart’s fear with something that might be consider a prayer. “Lord I don’t want to be like this.” That was all it took.

This occurred during the alter call and suddenly I found my left arm going up. Looking back over time, to an event that happened more than fifty-five years ago, to know the truth of that moment, I cannot rely on my memory. I have to rely on the relationship that I have with my Savior today to say of a certainty what really happened.

Matthew 13:23a But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; 

I did not know what I was doing, there was no understanding. This was not my salvation moment. How or Who raised my hand is irrelevant to the moment. This was my introduction to my sovereign God who took the anger from me.

As my hand went up, my anger left me and has not returned.

Psalm 2:12 Kiss the Son, lest he be angry, and ye perish from the way, when his wrath is kindled but a little. Blessed are all they that put their trust in him.

Perhaps it was mother’s Asperger’s that caused her to be dispassionate, where hugs and kisses were not a part of our family life. Never allow a child to suffer the loss of genuine affection from the moment of birth to the day you die. This may have been the catalyst which birthed the rage in my oldest brother and if he too suffers from Asperger’s he may never admit it in his declining years. He has greater concerns now but that is his history and not mine.

My oldest brother was put out of the house and forced to graduate high school away from us while he lived with relatives in north central Maine. Seeing this as the youngest child, eight years his junior, I did not understand his anger any more than I understood my own. I saw the results, being put out. It was not something I wanted to happen to me. I did not want to follow in his footsteps.

My anger issues may have come to a breaking point when I broke my fist on the face of my best friend. My brother had broken his fist also. Was I following in my brother’s footsteps, even though I was desperate not to suffer his fate? It troubled me deeply.

About this time in my life I was desperate to try and make a connection with girls. I was awkward because of the Asperger’s which we did not know about. Social awkwardness is one of the symptoms. Then a classmate showed an interest in me. She was concerned for my soul. She was the catalyst to my burning bush moment. She invited me to BYF, Baptist Youth Fellowship. She invited me into church fellowship. Yes, I chased a girl into church. Not a very original story, but it happened.