Psalm 119:30 I have chosen the way of truth: thy judgments have I laid before me.

When did I choose the way of truth? Well not for some time sadly. Satan knowing that God had touched my life, because it happened in his realm, was doing everything he could to dispel the lie I was told by Cape Neddick Baptists. They told me I was saved, when I was not.

Living under a lie is Satan’s realm, even if it is a good intentioned lie. I wanted to believe I was saved but everything I was said, no you are not. Conflict and confusion would hound me for decades. I will not go into details but there was ample evidence to support Satan’s truth about my salvation. I was not in the Kingdom of God.

Vietnam was survived only because of God’s merciful removal of my anger issues. Circumstances once again built up a history of guilt in which I could no longer deny my involvement. I was now guilty.

After Vietnam I became a drug addict. God once again intervened to save my life from overdoses and other fatal mistakes. How isn’t as important as being able to see His involvement from this side. We don’t always recognize God’s merciful hand until later in life.

So considering Satan has now convinced me I am in his camp, how did God call me into His Kingdom? It all happened according to his salvation plan. First He removed the dependency on drugs. His sovereign will once again made a choice for me I was not willing to make for myself. I didn’t not want to quit so He took the desire away. Now I was prepped to feel the pangs of regret I would not have received if still on drugs.

My father died and all the repressed pain of everything I did showed me why I kept away from dad. I was ashamed of what I had turned into and did not want him to see me that way. That reality drove me a little crazy and it was noticed.

Then in my heart I repented of the life I had led.

Matthew 13:23a But he that received seed into the good ground is he that heareth the word, and understandeth it; 

Everyone around me in that moment made the same failed assumption, that this burning bush moment for me was my salvation moment. There was no one in that moment even thought to ask the relevant question. “Why did you raise your hand?” That question alone would have sparked a conversation that might have changed the course of my history. They didn’t and I did not have a turning, I was still on course of self-interest and now I had a new problem.

Satan saw what happened in that moment and recognized I had not left his camp and entered into God’s Kingdom. There was no repentance on my part. All that happened was that God removed the anger which, if left untouched, would have led to my death in the thing in which I was about to become involved, Vietnam.

My church group entreated me as one saved. How does one handle being treated as a family member when you are not? You don’t know how to act, you don’t know who you are and the only ones who understand you are your God and Satan. Because I had not entered into His Kingdom, Satan had more influence over my life. I had still yet to even understand I had an enemy called Satan.

I called those Cape Neddick Baptist Church members sheep dippers. That might be unfair and unkind but in that moment, getting me baptized was all I heard. No one bothered to ask me what was going on in my heart or what led me to that moment in raising my hand. If they had, my life might have taken a different course, but we will never know.

The takeaway is for disciples to be interviewed thoroughly over their salvation moment to discover if all the elements for salvation exist.