Matthew 9:13ip learn what that meaneth

IP stands for In Part. I did not quote the whole of yesterday’s verse because I want to concentrate on relevant meaning. At the time of my repentance I knew I was sick, my heart wasn’t right and my mind wasn’t right, and my soul was in danger. I wanted out and turned to God for the answer. That was my answer to my problem for that moment.

At that moment I was only thinking about myself. I wasn’t thinking about the impact these changes would have on my family and friends. It was my problem and it didn’t concern me at the time that I had been their problem. I had to deal with me and my new creature in Christ before I could think about them.

Allow me to admit that I made mistakes in those early years because I didn’t know what my change meant to them. They were not my primary concern at the time. How could I explain to them what was happening in me if I didn’t even understand it myself. It was something akin to being in a coma, waking up and discovering everyone telling you that you aren’t the same man that fell asleep. Then who am I?

At the time it never occurred to me that my experience might be different than that of others. I struggled alone with my new identity with only the help of the Holy Spirit whom I was just discovering to be God in the third part. This issue of a triune God was still ahead of me. That did not stop the Holy Spirit in performance of His duties to enact the will of God. Praise God.

The closest I can explain my early bible studies was find bits and pieces of a puzzle. I gathered the pieces in my mind, in my warehouse of knowledge, but there was no connecting the pieces to form a picture. They were just scatters puzzle pieces on the floor of my mind. Then one Sunday afternoon the Holy Spirit took over.

Matthew 9:12b,13 But when Jesus heard that, he said unto them, They that be whole need not a physician, but they that are sick. But go ye and learn what that meaneth, I will have mercy, and not sacrifice: for I am not come to call the righteous, but sinners to repentance.

Yesterday I mentioned that I repented in my heart of the life I had lived. I wasn’t specific in what I was repenting of but that of my life in whole. I think it is important to note the difference between repentance over an act and over your life.

The conversation that was non-verbal went something like this.

Me: I wish I had stayed in church.

God: What’s stopping you from starting over today?

Me: Nothing.

It was that moment when you know that the voice in your head isn’t your own. I don’t talk to myself that way. I knew without a doubt that God was speaking to me privately, personally, in a way I would recognize Him. In that moment I acknowledge Him and my life hasn’t been the same since.

For me that moment of repentance was painful. It was deeply felt and real, sincere. It was a personal moment that I didn’t share with anyone for some time. What I did next was what mattered.

I dusted off the only bible in the house, a small print New International Version. I took it to bed and read from it for the first time in decades. I began in the gospel of John thinking, “Who knew Him best?”

The change in me was immediate and apparent to everyone. It was so drastic it scared my eldest child. He told his mother that he was afraid that men with a straight jacket were coming to haul me away. I wasn’t going crazy, I had gotten sane. I was no longer sick.